If a psychokiller cut the power in my house just now & then turned it back on I will totally live-Tweet my murder & be EXTRA snarky
Dear Kirk Cameron, I don't need saving. I'm fine. You're acting like Travis Bickle. Signed, Christmas
I warned you about KFC in 2007 and you all laughed. Probably shouldn't have put my warning on a comedy album, but still...
"greatseats" That's the discount code. For FIVE upcoming shows in 2015. Go visit my Facebook fan page for more details. Happy shopping!
I'm the Dark Knight of cleaning the condiment area in a Starbucks and then glaring in disgust at the other customers.

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Silver Screen Fiend
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Silver Screen Fiend
Learning About Life from an Addiction to Film

I wrote another book. I'm very happy with my first one, Zombie Spaceship Wasteland, but it had lots of flaws. My lack of confidence in simple memoir being the biggest. I hid behind too much cleverness - abstract comedic concepts, short, gimmicky chapters and zippy graphics. The parts that popped ended up being the parts where I simply poured out memories on paper. Working at a movie theater. A nightmare stand-up tour in Surrey, British Columbia. My schizophrenic Uncle Pete.

So this new one - Silver Screen Fiend - is looser but better structured. It's about a very specific period of my life. May 20th, 1995 to May 20th, 1999. Those four years when I'd just moved to Los Angeles. Alternative comedy rooms like The Un-Cabaret, The Largo, and dozens of other gone-forever spaces where I could go onstage, sometimes two or three times a night, and develop as a comedian at nitro speed.

And helping - and often hindering - my development was The New Beverly Cinema (and a lot of other gone-forever rep theaters like Tales Cafe and The Four Star) where I became addicted to cinema. And not in a refined way. Not as a connoisseur. I had a meth addict's appetite. Four, five movies a day. In theaters.

How did I keep my job at MAD TV for two seasons on three hours sleep a night? How did a photo of me in drag wind up on a Tool tour T-shirt the night before I shot the King of Queens pilot? Why did I have a two hour crying jag in Amsterdam in 1997? Why does my movie debut involve me walking off of a submerged submarine? Why did Jerry Lewis threaten me with a lawsuit - or did he? Why was I ultimately wrong in my contempt for George Lucas?

Find out the answers to these and even more un-important questions when you read Silver Screen Fiend. You can pre-order it, now, before its release on January 6th, 2015. And yes, there is a book signing/stand-up tour that will go with it. Those dates are going to be announced soon. A lot of cities - West Coast, East Coast, Deep South and right in the goddamned heartland of America - are going to be very happy.

Or shrug their shoulders.

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