Five of the apps on my iPhone have sent me early "Happy Birthday" texts. I'm supposed to commit suicide now, right?
The poster Melita Curphy (@missmonstermel) made for my Berkeley show is on sale here. NICE: http://t.co/ZMXzoCRJh9
Take note: I did NOT warn you against this new @kfc hot dog monstrosity. Philip K. Dick & J.G. Ballard did.
My previous RT was my way of saying I goddamned love @warrenellis and I always will. #BestTwitterSmackdownEver

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Werewolves and Lollipops

$14.21

"Thanks so much for coming out. I'm drunk, here we go!" Thus begins your magical date with the enchanting, beguiling, and utterly demented Patton Oswalt. Stand Up! Records is pleased as punch to bring you "Werewolves and Lollipops," now out on a limited-edition of five hundred vinyl LP, each shining jewel of comedic genius all polished up for your pure listening enjoyment.

Look, you already know that Patton Oswalt's awesome. His resume's amazingly impressive, boasting hundreds of stand up performances, a couple dozen movies (hell, he voiced the lead in a damn Oscar winner!), and television glory. He has literally tens of fans. We don't need to sell you on Patton. So, instead, we're going to whet your appetite with some choice phrases, fresh from the elfin filth-monger's very lips!

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